Disappointed

They told me when I started that I could expect to do most of the work myself. And in general, I am okay with that, I really really am. But this month has just been well, draining. Between other people's events, my own events, and getting ready for competition, I just haven't had the time to focus on my group as much as I would have liked. I decided to see if my 9 month old baby was ready to start taking steps on it's own.

I know - typically babies don't take their first steps until 12 - 14 months, so I should not be surprised that mine wouldn't take that step. However, I can't help but feel disappointed.

I guess I should look at it this way, most of the people in MY group are also in the groups of people mention above that are having their own events, and everyone's really busy right now. But damn it, it just kinda sucks.

I guess I am worn out, and slightly tired. I am working out a lot, working a lot, and trying to be everywhere in the community at the same time. It's a recipe for burnout. I know that. I keep telling myself that I'll be better after IML. I won't, but I keep wanting to think I will be.

Like the title of this blog implies: I am disappointed. I have been slightly disappointed before, when others seem to expect me to do everything. I want, I have always wanted this group to be an interactive collaborative of people who all contribute. It was pointed out recently that my joke early on about being the A-PAH Supreme God was counterproductive to that idea, but I thought that people were smart enough to see it for what it was. A joke. I don't want to be a supreme god. I just want a place where we can get together and celebrate pup. It's there inside us - I didn't think that it would take this much effort.

I guess, that now I know. And to be honest, completely totally honest - it saddens me a little bit. I know that you are busy, hell, that's my excuse for not putting together an event last month. We're all busy. I know, it's one more event on an already overloaded calendar of events, but I was hoping that people would want this badly enough to make room for it.

May and June are going to be difficult for me as well. I hope to have some time to make things happen. If anyone would like to help, I would be more than grateful.